Leaving atheism for God
I have posted a few videos detailing my conversion into Christianity, but I did not dive deep into the moment I left atheism, because I assumed atheists would not be interested. Through a happy accident, I found that I was incorrect.
When I was an atheist, I believed that God did not exist and death results in our consciousness ceasing entirely, and that Churches and religion were taking advantage of vulnerable people to sell them a fake ticket to heaven. I also believed that our planet and the life on it were the result of random chance and probability. Looking at the universe, even the milky way galaxy alone, there are enough planets and solar systems to argue there are enough opportunities for a planet to randomly land in the goldilocks zone and support life, a life that could become intelligent like humans. This was all enough for me and I did not seek to reaffirm my beliefs because I was confident in them with my 4.2GPA. However, I have learned there is a significant number of atheists who are constantly seeking to learn more about religion as well as how to prove if God exists. I was surprised to learn that these atheists hold themselves as more of denying the existence of God rather than believing firmly that God does not exist.
In 2021, I left atheism for agnosticism by going from believing there is no God to believing God does exist but I do not know anything about this God. For me, it was what is classified as the argument of “intelligent design”. I will note, I did not have anyone try to argue the existence of God, this was an independent observation and conclusion of mine.
So what happened? Leading up to my conversion, I had started to see more of the natural order of the world. In 2018, when my wife was pregnant with our first child, we learned about the Bradley method with a very well-educated instructor. To quickly sum up the Bradly method, it focuses on as natural as safely possible approach to childbirth, because believe it or not…childbirth is a natural event that women have been undergoing for thousands of years. This opened my eyes to how excessive and unnecessary medical intervention is in most childbirth scenarios. Many complications during birth actually derive from the interventions that occur before and during birth. If a woman goes through birth naturally, without induction, epidurals, or other pain medications, the labor is naturally shorter, delivery is quicker, and the mother and child undergo a beautiful process that helps significantly with postpartum concerns. Upon delivery during a natural birth, the mother receives an influx of oxytocin and other hormones that help her bond with the baby who should be laid on her chest to help the baby’s temperature, breathing, and heartbeat to regulate with the mother’s. I will note, I completely understand medical intervention can be necessary in certain scenarios and that I am a man who will never have to push a baby out of a vagina, however my statement still holds true.
I saw the beauty behind childbirth and the fact that if the mother is able to naturally deliver the baby, then both mother and child will receive amazing natural gifts. It amazed me that if humans did not intervene with this design, then everything would work very well to mitigate many of the concerns of postpartum care. This did not immediately lead me to God but it was something that would later corroborate my view of intelligent design. There are so many aspects to what is going on in childbirth, yet everything worked together as perfectly as ever to create a beautiful start to the life of the newly born child. This was something beyond just random chance.
I maintained my atheist beliefs up until the end of 2021. Since 2011, I had a health issue no one cared to resolve. I would drink 2-3 gallons of water a day causing me to use the bathroom endlessly throughout the day, and if I tried to not drink as much water, I suffered symptoms of dehydration despite not having a laborious job. This lasted until October of 2021 when I was setup with a new doctor. She advised I switch to organic food just to try it out before blood test results came back. Within 6 weeks, I was down to one gallon a day and my life was forever changed. Not only did I use the bathroom a lot less, I had a realization: there is an order to the world.
I ate the same foods, but switched to organic. I worked hard to eliminate the chemically treated food plaguing our grocery stores and diets. That is all it took to overcome a significant health issue that was pushing my kidneys beyond their limit. I concluded, if we eat food working with the earth rather than fighting the earth for the food, we just may actually be healthier and avoid major health issues, thus, there is an order to the world that we have disrupted. Combining this firsthand experience with everything I learned about the beautiful process a woman and child go through during pregnancy and birth, I realized this order is too perfect to be created by probability. Someone had to have created this order. That someone is God.
This led me to my agnostic phase. I was trying to understand what God is and how God works. I still disregarded religions as an attempt to understand what God is and how God works, but rooted in ancient attempts to understand, and thus incorrect. I believed they thought God or gods are literally people in the sky, something I thought was absurd since clearly, God is not above our atmosphere.
I tried to understand God through reflection. Looking at the intelligent design and the order created by the natural laws, I observed our violations of the natural laws that resulted in disorder. We have factory farming, excessive manufacturing, pollution from abuse of oil, and many other similar examples. I noted that if people farmed in humane and appropriate ways, such as having animals outside on pasture living a good life, the quality of the meat we consume improves as well as giving that animal a very happy life. I realized that the excessive consumption culture and unnecessary manufacturing did not need to exist if we were able to live within the natural productivity of the world, as in, instead of deforesting entire regions and polluting bodies of water because we want more stuff at a rate higher than is naturally feasible, then the earth would literally be a better place for us to live with cleaner air, good water, and a beautiful ecosystem.
For another example of human intervention violating natural laws, we can look to the wolves of Yellowstone. In the Yellowstone National Park (YNP), wolves were removed intentionally through excessive hunting in the 1920s. Other carnivores were removed as well all in an effort to tame the wilderness. With time, there were notable changes with the absence of carnivores; “In the absence of carnivores, elk numbers boomed which resulted in significant changes in vegetation. Beavers became increasingly rare, and food web dynamics were significantly altered.”1. Removing predators resulted in the YNP becoming devastated by herbivores. In 1995, wolves were reintroduced into the YNP resulting in drastic improvements in the ecosystem. Human intervention resulted in the ecosystem being negatively affected until it was returned to a resemblance of the natural order.
This all indicated to me that the “thing” we call “God” works by intelligently designing natural laws to result in a natural order that works well as designed by this “God”. Rather than picturing the man in the sky image offered by so many religions, I opted to view God as an essence, a spirit, that is all around us in an infinite volume. I viewed God as something or someone who would gently nudge and push things into their respective places as needed, but only when coupled with our cooperation with these nudges from God.
During this time, I was conversing with a Christian friend of mine. I did not believe Christianity, or anyone else for that matter, had things “right”. When I shared these thoughts on God, I thought my friend would object, but to my surprise, he agreed. I was surprised because I thought Christians believe that God is a man in the sky, so I assumed he was an odd duck in this case.
Moving forward, in 2022 my great-aunt died at the age of 86. When we were going through her estate, I found a bunch of family Bibles that no one else wanted. Despite my beliefs at the time, I decided to take them home because they were vintage, with one being from 1949. During my time as an atheist, I had always wanted to read the Bible to use it to debunk itself, but since I was confident in my beliefs, I had not yet read it.
One night, I was up a bit late. Everyone else, including my wife, was asleep. Without a thought, I went to the bookshelf and picked up my great-uncles Bible. After thumbing through it, I returned to page one and read, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” (Genesis 1:1). I continued reading that night. I placed the ribbon between the pages and then went to sleep. Each night, I would wait for everyone to be in bed and then I would sneak to the living room and pick up the Bible. It is an awkward thing to do and I was not yet comfortable sharing this little fact with my wife.
I quickly ran into some familiar hurdles. The story of Creation in Genesis 1 and 2 was clearly a fallacy since the earth was not created in seven days, evolution shows were not simply pulled from the earth, and it seems to be impossible to have descended from just one couple because incest would have resulted in all sorts of issues. Not to forget the talking snake was an interesting part. Then in Genesis 6-9, we see the Flood with Noah’s ark. The way it reads, the entire world was covered with water and raining clouds. This is literally impossible as we know it. With the way the water cycle works, it would be impossible for the entire world to be covered with clouds raining down water. Clouds form from water that evaporates from the earth, water which then returns to the earth with rain. In order for the entire world to be covered with raining clouds, the water level would drop significantly. If the water levels were so high that the entire earth was flooded, then there would be no water in the form of clouds, so there would be no clouds raining down.
I also read about Noah cursing Shem (see Genesis 9:18-27) and Lot’s daughters raping him (see Genesis 19:30-38). This clashed with my understanding the Bible was a source of how to live a good and righteous life. What was so good about cursing one’s son because he saw you drunk and naked and why is this incestual rape mentioned? These things were mentioned without any conclusion.
We also cannot forget the amazing lifespans listed out for Adam, Noah, and others such as Abraham. From what we understand, lifespans have been increasing over time to the current life expectancy of 78.4 years2. It did not make sense that Adam lived to be 930, Noah 950, and later on in 1850BC Abraham lived to 175 (Genesis 5:5, 9:29, 25:7).
All of this made absolutely no logical sense. I could not reconcile with it. My understanding of Christianity and religion was that it is filled with blind faith. I had no reason to believe there could possibly be an appropriate explanation. I asked my friend if he actually believed in Noah’s ark and Adam and Eve. He said he does, though he has no proof. I asked why and he said it’s Faith. I wasn’t satisfied with his response and inquired as to why, it made no sense to run in with what I assumed to be blind faith when there were too many hurdles.
At this point, I believed that God existed but I had my apprehensions that anyone had it right. I considered my friend’s advice I decided to keep reading to develop my own interpretations and conclusions. As for the other hurdles, I put a pin in them to deal with later. I assumed some answers would come in the 1200 pages of the Bible.
In my reading, I found Exodus was a wild story, but then I was heavily confused in the Book of Leviticus. The Bible literally calls for people to engage in animal sacrifice, yet no one does that. Modern jews no longer engage in animal sacrifices nor do Christians. It did not make sense because it is very clear according to the Bible. I put a pin in that too.
Ultimately, I did not heavily research these concerns to reconcile them in order to become a Christian. That is because the relationship with God does not work that way. Having faith in God is not blind faith, rather it is rooted in an actual relationship with God. I have since learned there are actually very good explanations for these hurdles, something I plan to dive into with later posts.
Instead, I developed my faith in God and Jesus Christ through prayer and other spiritual experiences. Coupling the Word of God with my prayer life, I was able to understand Who I was talking to and how to talk to Him. I know it does not make any logical sense, but this is the way God works. Once we welcome God into our lives, He will flood us with Himself and we will be able to see that God has been with us our whole lives.
Atheists want to hear “logical” reasons for converting from atheism to any sort of religion. They are hung up on all sorts of aspects, as I once was. Asking for logical reasons based on earthly senses is not the path to God. The atheists are missing a key aspect when they demand an explanation for conversion, and that is the unseen world. To touch the unseen world with interior senses, one must pray and communicate with God. If one doesn’t do that, then they are just bench racing ideas against each other. God requires our consent. They are shut out from God, not consenting to welcoming Him into their lives, and because of that, they are missing that very key portion of understanding God, they are missing God Himself.
I get it. I used to be the same. I wanted to hear logical things from conversions yet no one was able to provide that, because that’s not how God works. You’re simply asking the wrong questions in the wrong ways.
And that is why I like to say that when you start to actually challenge your convictions and investigate Christianity, you will find the Truth hiding in plain sight. It’s been there all along, you just have to turn around and look. It is up to you; it’s your eternity and your choice
And once you investigate and learn you have to ask yourself “what will I do with this information?” You can’t just sit on the fence, there is no fence sitting. A decision will have to be made. Deciding not to investigate is a significant decision in itself. I had to make those decisions and here I am. I remember telling my friend I was going to read the Bible for my own interpretations and conclusions. I concluded Christ is King and became Catholic.
Collecting information is great. But you have to do something with it. Will you reach out to God in prayer? Theres no special way to do it. Just talk to God. It works. If you think it doesn’t work, what does it hurt to waste 30-60 seconds each day trying? I know of too many people who are very knowledgeable about God without any spiritual life or true faith. You have to do something. Doing nothing is still a decision, it is still a stance, a position making a statement
And I don’t expect to hear “oh my gosh you’re right thank you”. I’ll probably see another fun comment section. Maybe in three years someone will say something possibly. Or it’ll just be silence. I won’t say I’ve CRUSHED ATHEISM with this post. We can only crush it within ourselves. You can’t be convinced into the faith by others unless you are seeking the truth about God. My sister-in-law has lived with us for the entirety of our conversion from 2023. She has heard everything we have to say. She has watched videos my wife sent her. But she still refuses to accept Jesus as the Christ. She cannot argue any logical reason as to why not because it’s not about logic, it’s about submitting to the truth
I didn’t expect the atheists to be so curious and interested. I thought they were going to scroll past and assume some gullible guy left atheism for something that makes him feel warm and fuzzy. While I understand that is part of their sentiment, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. I wouldn’t have changed my entire life for something that just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I wouldn’t be trying to start a YouTube channel over something superficial. God is real and there is a true depth to Him and Faith in Him, something atheists like my former self simply do not understand. Too many atheists don’t engage in actual research before making claims. I know this because I was one once. I know this because they speak exactly like I used to. They make the same claims I used to make, such as purported contradictions in the Bible. But just like my old self, they don’t give me any specifics because they probably didn’t read the Bible just like I hadn’t. And the examples that some people are able to come up with, do have an explanation, often even within the Bible itself, but it is difficult to understand the Bible without proper research, studying, and prayer.
The Word of God is a living Word, it is not meant to be read like a textbook. I respectfully say they are willfully ignorant and making claims without any backing. I plan to present the claims atheists and my former self once made, with explanations grounded in their logic, science, and the true way to understand that which they fail to understand. I do this not out of malice or a superior feeling but out of love for those I once a member of. I hope you will be open to at least listening to some of what I have to say. I hope this just may help you considering to ask, seek, and knock on the door of truth and understanding
References
n.d. Life Expectancy. Accessed 13 October, 2025. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/life-expectancy.htm.
n.d. Yellowstone wolf project. Accessed October 13, 2025. https://www.yellowstone.org/wolf-project/.
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