My Journey to the Truth

My Journey to the Truth

Most of my life was spent as an atheist from 12 years old up until I was 28 years. In my childhood, my mom infrequently took us to various non-Catholic Christian Churches. I remember my dad joined us in some cases, but as I grew older, he stayed home. When my father stopped attending, I naturally wanted to stay home as well. I was forced to go to Church and no one ever discussed why my dad didn’t join us.

My memories of those Churches are primarily comprised of going to the children’s room to color a few pictures, eat snacks, and play games. I can honestly say, I gained nothing spiritually from that. Other memories of these Churches include a megachurch with stadium style seating and screens, something I was not a fan of.

When I was twelve years old, I started to see more of the reality surrounding us and fell into a time of depression and suicidal thoughts. Aside from my own insecurities, I questioned the existence of God heavily and declared myself an atheist. I could not comprehend how God could exist while allowing so much suffering in the world. To me, God seemed like a concept that people used in order to help soften the hard edges of reality. With so much homelessness, death, and depravity in the world, it would make sense to want to run away from it, however I could not justify believing in what I considered to be a lie. I did not believe in God, therefore I did not believe in any meaning of continuing onward and engaging in what I felt was a waste of time by living the remainder of my life.

After melting down from depression, my mother helped me overcome it. I ultimately decided that I have this life in this world so I may as well live it out. I believed that there was nothing after death, simple nonexistence after bodily death. This contradicted my own experiences heavily. Sometime around the age of 14, I had three spiritual experiences, yet I stilled denied the existence of God or an afterlife.

In the first experience, my sister and her friends were in the living room when a strong sulfur smell developed in a particular spot in the room, as though something, or someone, was emanating it. We had two dogs, generally mild mannered, that broke into very aggressive behavior. They were both growling, snarling, and barking at the spot from two different angles, pinpointing a location. In the same way the scent appeared out of nowhere, it disappeared, and the dogs calmed down. I learned that this particular smell was believed to be a sign of a dark spirit.

The second experience involved a picture falling. My parents had a great big acrylic cased image hung above their bed. At the time, my mom and I were the only people home and downstairs. Suddenly, we heard a very loud “THUD” upstairs. We both looked at each other startled and slowly progressed upstairs. We quickly saw that this image had fallen onto the headboard, a clear indication of the cause of the noise. Before examining, we both assumed the cable on the back of the image broke or the hook failed. That was not the case. We found the cable perfectly intact and the hook had not failed. We both noted this to each other and hung the picture. We left the room in haste because big heavy pictures don’t just fall off a hook randomly.

The third experience was in the middle of the night. My German Shepherd slept on my bed and I woke to her growling while focusing on the door of my room. The physics felt real, unlike in a dream state. I tried to calm my dog but she wouldn’t break her focus. I kept the remote for the fan next to me, so I turned on the light. I saw a silver silhouette standing by the door. It started to walk toward me. My dog stood up on the bed while focused and lightly growling at the silhouette. Being a silver silhouette and the mild reaction from my dog, it must have not been a dark spirit. It then reached toward me and touched me. The last thing I remember seeing was my dog looking at the silhouette, the light on, and the silhouette’s hand touching my face, and then I immediately went back to sleep. When I woke up, the light was still on.

Despite having these experiences, I continued to deny the existence of an afterlife or God until I was 28. If I learned that someone believed in God, I considered them to be naïve and dumb, something that was made apparent when I spoke with them on the subject. I developed my disdain for religion into believing that Churches were businesses seeking to sell fake tickets to heaven in order to line their pockets. The megachurches and celebrity pastors were my main source for this.

Through time, I had more spiritual experiences, though I continued denying the afterlife and God.

It was the end of 2019. I was terribly sick and kept coughing all night. I didn’t want to keep my wife and my son awake with it, so I slept in the spare bedroom that we used as a playroom. The room had a kiddy gate at the door and I distinctly remember closing the gate out of habit after entering. I laid down and was able to sleep. At some point, I woke up. I was laying there unable to move, and my eyes were drawn to the door. I saw a dark silhouette with the figure of a human but details of a demon. I watched its hands open the kiddy gate and it walked in. I was unable to move or scream despite trying. It approached with an evil grin and touched me. I fell back asleep at its touch. In this scenario, the physics also felt real unlike a dream state. I woke up again and was able to move. I got up and left as fast as I could, through the kiddy gate I had closed, that was now open.

We moved to Idaho a year later. I developed a friendship with a Christian gentleman, who was ironically living where we had moved from. He was never pushy about faith and recognized where the two of us were at. Interestingly, I always tried to shut down any religious conversation that went on too long, due to “people not understanding my belief.” He was very respectful. Through conversation, he gave me some insight into his spiritual beliefs and experiences. The way he discussed everything actually made a lot of sense. I was quite surprised by him because he broke the mold I developed for Christians, that everything was superficial to make people feel good about themselves. Instead, he saw the dark nature of the evil spirits and their activity among us, as well as the grace of God flowing through the world. It was quite interesting. Over the course of a few years, we talked regularly, though mostly non-religious topics.

For 10 years prior to my conversion, I had a health issue no one cared to resolve. I would drink 2-3 gallons of water a day causing me to use the bathroom endlessly throughout the day, and if I tried to not drink as much water, I suffered symptoms of dehydration despite not having a laborious job. This lasted until October of 2021 when I was setup with a new doctor. She advised I switch to organic food just to try it out before blood test results came back. Within 6 weeks, I was down to one gallon a day and my life was forever changed. Not only did I use the bathroom a lot less, I had a realization: there is an order to the world.

I ate the same foods, but switched to organic. I worked hard to eliminate the chemically treated food plaguing our grocery stores and diets. That is all it took to overcome a significant health issue that was pushing my kidneys beyond their limit. I concluded, if we eat food working with the earth rather than fighting the earth for the food, we just may actually be healthier and avoid major health issues, thus, there is an order to the world that we have disrupted. Combining this firsthand experience with everything I learned about the beautiful process a woman and child go through during pregnancy and birth, I realized this order is too perfect to be created by probability. Someone had to have created this order. That someone is God.

Thus began my short journey of agnosticism and trying to reflect to learn about God and make conclusions about Him. Looking at the natural world He created, one can get close, but the gap to be filled is vast.

In 2022, my great-aunt died at the age of 86. She had no direct descendants but we were close to her though my mom, who was her niece. My mom was handling the estate with the daughter of my great-uncle who my great-aunt married later in life. My father and I went to the estate during the weekend of the funeral. My mom advised us that everything left was free for the taking since everyone had already walked through. I went through and found a few things over the course of the weekend. After I had thought I was finished, I decided to do one last walk through, something I believe was the fruit of God’s grace. I went down the hallway through the rooms and then back down it for the last time to stumble across a short bookshelf, about thirty inches tall, with a few vintage family Bibles and other items. I sat there opening them, amazed with the history captured in these items.

Among these books was a King James Bible given to my great-uncle in 1952. I had previously wanted to read the Bible out of curiosity and my friend, who was formerly mentioned, had suggested the King James version. Despite holding something I had been after for some time, I offered to every one of my great-uncle’s descendants who were present. None of them wanted it. Even though I wasn’t his direct descendant, I was not going to let a family heirloom go to an estate sale. I put it in my box and took it home.

I placed the family Bibles and other books on our bookshelves and left them there without too much thought. I read other books at night, such as a book about a hooker’s biography from the 1960’s, a book I ironically brought home from the estate. One night, after having finished the hooker book, I was up a bit late. Everyone else, including my wife, was asleep. Without a thought, I went to the bookshelf and picked up my great-uncles Bible. I examined it a bit, looking at some older letters and papers stuffed in the pages. I noticed a ribbon attached to the spine to be used as a bookmark. I remember looking at where the ribbon was, I think it was in the book of Isaiah, though I fail to remember the chapter, other than the passages not making any sense to me at the time.

After thumbing through, I returned to page one and read, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.” (Genesis 1:1). I continued reading that night. I placed the ribbon between the pages and then went to sleep. Each night, I would wait for everyone to be in bed and then I would sneak to the living room and pick up the Bible. My wife was raised Catholic, mostly culturally, and was more agnostic.

I texted my Christian friend about my readings. I had not made it far in Genesis before coming to the moment where I would need to commit to reading the entire Bible. It was around Genesis chapter 2 or 3 when I was stuck on a couple of things.

Science proves the universe was created in far more than seven days…

Do people believe in the story of Adam and Eve? 

My friend informed me that some of the Bible is allegorical, not literal, and that a day to God is not like a day to us on Earth. He said that God created time for us, and a day to the eternal God is nothing for Him. My friend proposed to me that it was simply seven stages of creation in our mind’s eye and the word “day” is simply a descriptor of this. As for Adam and Eve, he said that he believes we all are descendants from them. We concluded the conversation when he said, “sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.”

After reflecting on his advice, I decided to try a leap of faith to see what would happen. It was not what I expected. I assumed the Bible was going to be boring with a bunch of precepts to live by and maybe some cool heaven and hell battle stories. Most of it was narrative, much of it was filled with laughing as well. I did not understand the depth of it, but I did eventually get to the cool heaven and hell battle stories in the Book of Revelation.

As I was reading, one night my wife came out from the bedroom. I awkwardly sat there holding a leather-bound Bible thinking she may just assume it was some sort of book. Wrong. She immediately said with a slightly disgusted voice, “why are you reading the Bibe?” I responded by saying I had always wanted to and I had found it to be interesting. After this particular evening, we would discuss some of my readings and conversations with my friend. My wife was still apprehensive on it all, due to her own apprehensions and watching her previously atheist husband start believing in God.

At this time, there was some spiritual nature to my belief in God but I was very confused. I wondered why people don’t practice the laws laid out in the Book of Leviticus, I even wondered if I should offer God the animal sacrifices as outlined in Leviticus. I shrugged my shoulders and settled on knowing I would find out in the future. For the record, I did not offer animal sacrifices.

Through time, I worked my way to chapter 26 in the Book of Leviticus; a blessing to those who follow God and the curse on those who turn from Him. This chapter resonated with me because, it described everything that is happening in the world right now, a world full of people who have turned from God. This was a significant moment in my conversion. I realized we need to follow God to receive His blessing rather than turn away to feel the curse of not having Him in our lives.

At this point I accepted God the Father but was unsure about Jesus Christ, something my friend found funny because, as Jesus said, “All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him.” (Matthew 11:27).

I also learned the false gods of the past were still alive. I was made to understand the term “false gods” does not mean they don’t exist, but that they were entities, deities, who revealed themselves to people while falsely claiming to be gods. They are mentioned in scripture, such as Moloch.

“And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord.” (Leviticus 18:21).

God was warning the Israelites not to sacrifice children to Moloch, something happening today in abortion clinics. During the time of this part of the narrative, idolaters would sacrifice their children to Moloch by means of a brass idol of him. The statue had two hands cupped together where they would place the child, only after the statue had been heated up to lethal temperatures by a fire underneath the hands, so as to burn the child to death. God was profaned by this in regards to the Israelites leaving Him to worship Moloch or other false gods.

This reality hit me with the understanding that this worship has continued many thousands of years later as people pursue earthly riches. The vast majority of abortion stories are people sacrificing their children for financial gain. They may not have used that specific wording, but the point cannot be truly argued. Moloch and others have continued to deceive people to pull them from God, something I fell prey to, even if a lesser degree.

This also developed my understanding the Christianity doesn’t believe all other religions are wrong in the sense that there is no truth within them. Instead, Christianity recognizes a level of truth in other religions but understands the distorted nature within those religions due to their foundations being in the false gods. In short, there is a connection between all the world religions when viewed through Christianity, something other religions fail to do in my experience.

I continued my reading and felt an improvement in life. Everything made sense in the Bible. We had strayed too far into false worship but I was working to bring my own life into alignment with God. Even the simple commandment to “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.” (Exodus 20:8) made an improvement in life. We weren’t going to Church but I didn’t work on Sundays while trying to relax and not going to businesses. And, yes, the Sabbath refers to Saturday but I followed Sunday because of the norm set by Christianity, something I would later agree with.

In November of 2023, I was working when my wife texted me asking if we could go to Catholic Mass that weekend. I was not ready to go to a Church for myself, I did not want to be Catholic, and I had no clue why my wife was asking this all of a sudden since she had taken little to no interest in Faith at that time. Later that day, she explained that she had a conversation with her friend about the conservative friendly community offered by Church groups, something we were seeking for our children in this secular world.

We agreed not to go to Mass at that time, but my wife continued seeking God. Staying true to her Catholic roots, she decided to learn how to pray the Rosary. She was praying, reaching out, asking for something that would help her accept and embrace God. I was still reading through the Old Testament without any prayer life.

One night, she came out from the bedroom wide-eyed and full of energy. She said, “I was praying the Rosary and I smelled lilies!” We didn’t have any flowers in the house nor did we use any air fresheners or wax melts. I replied with, “Okay…and what does that mean?” She told me that lilies are one of Mary’s flowers. I saw it click in her eyes. She understood what I thought I understood. She accepted God is real and Christ is King. The only reason she experienced the presence of the Blessed Virgin, aside from praying the Rosary, is because Mary is indeed the Blessed Virgin and Mother of Jesus, who is Our Lord and the Son of God.

I was happy and excited to see it click in her eyes. I thought we were on the same level finally, something I found was incorrect. She printed out prayer sheets and introduced family prayer sessions. She found a ministry offering free Rosaries and ordered Rosaries for us all. She printed some Catholic images and happened to find some Catholic figurines, including one of Mary, at a thrift store. I was entirely uncomfortable.

I didn’t know how to pray. I thought prayer was supposed to be in private, on knees, with hands clasped. I didn’t know how to talk to God. I was worried my wife was worshipping Mary, a concern the Protestantized culture of America tainted me with. I even thought my wife was going to leave us to become a nun.

With time, I calmed down and saw her flourish in her role as my wife and the mother of our children. She wasn’t running away. I was still uncomfortable with some of the Mary stuff but I didn’t hold onto my concerns. She mentioned that I should pray the Rosary but I was dismissive. I thought the Rosary was for women and men don’t need Mary.

We started going to Catholic Mass in January 2024. We tried one Church that did not work for us but then walked into a beautiful Church we would soon call home. I was still trying to resist being Catholic. I asked my wife if she wanted to check out the Greek Orthodox Church near us. She declined and said she was not going to be anything but Catholic. With that, I settled into that matter of fact. In hindsight, the Holy Spirit was not guiding me to Orthodoxy and clearly wanted me in the Catholic Church.

We continued attending Sunday Mass. On the way home from Mass in April 2024, my wife mentioned the Rosary again, in a way that was more of a challenge towards me. I finally accepted and asked her to teach me that night. After the kids went to sleep, she taught me how to pray the Rosary. I resolved to wake up early the next day and pray it in the quiet of the morning.

I woke up, made my coffee, and picked up the free plastic Rosary beads. I found a website online with some meditations to use. I picked up the Rosary and made the sign of the Cross, ready to just pray a bunch of Hail Mary’s without any special feelings. After getting through the initial prayers, I began the joyful mysteries.

No sooner than the third Hail Mary, I had to pause. I had to pause because I was choked up. I had to pause because my eyes were so wet, that water was rolling down my cheeks. I had to pause because I was under the softest, sweetest, most comforting, embrace I had ever felt. I was being embraced by my mother, our mother, the Mother of God. It was a feeling I had never had before, a feeling that would have brought me to my knees if I hadn’t been sitting. I continued praying in this state while Mary maintained this warm embrace around me. She had been waiting for me to reach out.

I finished praying the Rosary while everyone was still asleep. Not long after, with my cheeks still wet and speechless, my wife woke up and came out. She was concerned when she saw me. She asked if everything is alright. I fought through myself being choked up and said “…she hugged me.” In this moment, my wife was blessed to see it click for me. I was still reading in the Old Testament, but at this point, I knew Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, because that is the only reason Mary has the touch that she does.

I continued reading the Bible while my prayer life flourished. I participated in family prayers very well while my wife and I grew in the Faith together. I learned more and more about the Christian Faith and the Catholic Church. I also learned about non-Catholic Churches. Ultimately, everything points to the Catholic Church being the one true Church. My mom started to join us at Mass starting Easter of 2024. She and I had not been baptized prior. We went through Sacramental prep together and received the Sacraments of baptism, confirmation, and communion on the evening of the Easter Vigil, April 19, 2025.

Everything in Christianity makes perfect sense and the sacraments are not merely symbolic. There is a spiritual depth that cannot be explained. And it all started by inquiring into the Christian Faith. I have continued to learn about other religions, but none of them add up like Christianity does. It is more than reasoning one’s way into religion, it is the true spiritual understanding that Christ is King. Christianity does not shy away from other religions, instead fitting into their history rather seamlessly. Some of us find the truth in a variety of ways, for me it was the Bible, what will it be for you?